Need a piece of Swiftian sarcasm applied to the meandering young men in our culture? Mike Wittmer has a top ten list of ways to avoid getting engaged to be married. A sample:
In fifth century Ireland, women grew tired of waiting on their slacker men to propose marriage. St. Bridget complained to St. Patrick, who said that “single women could put a ring on it” every leap day. That is not a direct quote, but it captures the gist of his capitulation.
Single women from Bridget to Beyoncé have made this a tradition, which makes tomorrow a particularly dangerous day for single, slacker men. I endured a couple of awkward leap days during my single, bashful days, and I learned these Top Ten Ways to Avoid Unwanted Engagements on Leap Day.
10. Avoid eye contact with unattached females.
9. Drive an old car to work, preferably a 1990 CRX that you bought used 18 and a half years ago but are still driving because you’re too cheap to replace it and the road salt of winter conceals the sloppy Bondo you applied when you were in a hurry and didn’t exactly follow the directions on the can. Besides, the bumper is still mostly on and it is fun to drive. If you don’t have a suitable beater, email me and I’ll loan you one for the day.
8. Begin every conversation with a string of words that make no sense. This is a twofer, because it’s also a handy way to check if you have the gift of tongues.