Book Blurbs You’ll Never See on a Cover

Dan Phillips was musing on the blurbs that might show up on the back cover of his forthcoming book, and he came up with some gems that no author would ever want to see:

  • “Nice try! Really… nice!” (Dr. Heinrich Borfmann, Bogotron Seminary)
  • “Moments of true semi-adequacy!” (Edie Contralto, Cupboard-Keepers Ministries)
  • “We had such hopes for little Danny. And now, this. Oh dear. Well, at least he’s not in prison.  …He’s not, is he?” (Verna Fleebner, Glenoaks Elementary School [retired])
  • “Ambitious, but… well, ambitious!” (Pastor Eulie Lapidary, Church of Holy Perpetuity)
  • “Brings to mind the greats. Longingly. By way of contrast.” (Varf Konkelman, talk show host)
  • “This one part was terrific!” (Bob Fernbern, mechanic)

Note for those, like myself, who struggle with gullibility and overly literal interpretive habits: These are fictional blurbs that Phillips made up.

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